Let me continue what happen after I post.

After I post, awhile later my brother called.

He asked me to have lunch with him.

So I went to market to wait for him.

In the end he say he wanna eat mac, so we went.

Saw Gladys, TeckHwee, Jiajing they all.

Like, grr.

Ate and we went back home.

Saw Kianpoh and Shawn too. ._.

Home and watch tv awhile.

Brother started to play ps3, and I watched him play, and read guide for him.

He say I play game use guide he also another one lor!

Went to bath and continue watch him play.

Until 10pm went to eat medicine and sleep.

Today late day.

I woke up on my own at 6am.

I thought I'm late, but I think for a second, it's late day.

So I went back sleep till 7am and I woke up, prepare and went to school.

First period chinese, nothing to do at all.

Stayed in class, until recess.

After recess geography teacher never come, another free two periods.

Talk to Cordelia, Enqi and Adam.

Then it's ss.

Ss also nothing to do, another 2 free periods.

Was like playing Splode all the way.

Next is maths.

Hmms, I did did some questions, after that 210, go home.

Home, went to bath and went down to mrt to meet a blogshop person.

Helped Yufei collect her stitch earpierce and came back home.

Watch Mr Bean and brother suddenly called.

He say tonight cook porridge, ask me cook. Tsk.

So I 6pm then go cook.

Well, I came to post isn't for updating all these stuffs that happened.

I came cause I rather feel disappointed.

Family.

All only thinks that all I do is go out, play whole day.

I'm useless, look down on me just because my results ain't good.

Because I'll be going ITE next year, because I'm a bad girl.

All went to work, at night then will be back home.

No one knows how I feel.

No one cares to sit down with me, and understand how I feel.

Friends.

They can be so true, so fake too.

Always trying to joke with them, try to smile as wide as possible.

Try to join in when I'm being left out.

Try to do everything with them, trying to make myself forget about things.

Make myself to smile, try to cover up my pains.

Love.

What's love?

What's love when you just uses words, instead of actions?

What's love when you don't sacrifice yourself, time, etc?

What's love when you don't put yourself in the party's shoe and spare a thought?

What's love if you lie?

What's love if you betray or back-stab?

What's love if you don't even try? To understand, to maintain a relationship, a friendship.

Why am I the only one, the only one who always tries?

Try to hold on as tight as possible.

Try to give in my best when I know it's impossible.

Try to spare a thought for others even though I'll suffer.

Try to sort out my time, in order to accompany, be there for each of them, no matter how lazy, how I don't feel like going out, how tired, how sad I am.

I'll always put up my smile.

Even though it's a fake smile, but it makes them happier.

Always be there, physically whenever they feel sad.

Whenever they need a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on.

But for me?

I cried alone, suffer alone, do almost everything alone.

I cried out to him, so loudly, he chose not to hear it.

Always puts him the priority yet he doesn't.

Give him what he needs, what they need, yet I can't get what I need.

I wanted to cherish every single day, every single hour, minute and second with him.

But no, in everyone's eye, I'm invisible.

I miss when he almost everyday came down to look for me.

Just because he miss me, he wanted to see me, because I'm important than anything else.

I miss him talking to me non-stop, everytime when I look at my phone, his name will always appear.

I miss him telling everyone I'm his girlf, only his.

I miss him holding so much close to his side, never want to leave for a second.

I miss his that innocent, cute little face.

I miss his laughter, his smile.

I miss his gentleness, the importance, the secure from him.

I just miss every single little bit of him.

But now, everything changed.

I want all those memories to be back where it should be, but deep inside I know, it's not gonna to happen.

All he does now, is the opposite of what I've said.

He just keeps pushes me away, when I keep on trying to reach him, don't let him fall.

Because, I never want to do so.

Maybe it's time to make some choosing, some decision.

I don't know how long I can hold on.

I'm getting more tired when he keeps on pushing me away.

I can't feel that he needs me yet I need him.

But why am I trying so hard?

Just simply cause, I love you, boy.

Can you even wake up and face it?

You're just keeping yourself in a box, never wanna come out to see the world.

I'm there, opening it up and pulling you out, but you rejected me, over and over again.

I've feelings too.

I've my patience, I even broke my patience limit and try to continue pulling you.

You don't see it.

You don't stop and take a look at it, look at what I've done for you.

You don't appreciate my love, my care for you.

I'm really lost.

I don't know who am I.

I don't know what's true, what's not, what's dream, what's reality.

I couldn't feel it.

All different kinds of feelings just mixes together.

Mixed feelings, that's what people says.

Everything just come and goes so suddenly, I can't even catch up with it.

I don't know what to do anymore.

The light seems to be so bright 1-2months ago.

But now, it's getting more dimmer.

What I see was just shadows of it.

Will it be bright like it use to, or become a total dark place where I can't see anything?

It's confusing.

I always lift my hopes up, on everyone, on him especially.

But all I got in return was disappointments, over and over.

It's getting way too tired.

I feel so empty in me.

I just need him to understand me a little.

Is that really too much to ask for?

Why is all these happening to me?

To make people stronger, I know.

But, why me, why am I the one going through all these?

Most painful is, I'm walking it alone.

Miracle will never happen on me.

I guess I'll just post until here, though I still have much more things I wanna say.

Shall cook now.

Bye earthlings.