I just wanna post a song so I came.

Well, today was normal.

After school went bugis with husband, emily and Liru.

Yea, four of us again.

They never fail to make me laugh, joke around.

We went to zinc, Emily wanted to buy bag.

And she bought, same as Liru's but different colour.

I wanted to buy handbag, 50 dollar. ):

No money already.

brother say he wanted the ipad pouch, which is angry bird!

He maybe buying ipad, hmms.

He asked me to buy the pouch for him.

Since I owe him a steamboat, I'll make it for the pouch.

I bought one for myself too.

And I decided to buy angry bird iphone cover.

I asked my brother buy for me.

Fair fair, I buy two pouch, he buy two iphone cover.

both also angry bird (L).

Anyway, back to story.

After buying the bag we went to eat pasta mania.

And of cause, we went to buy koi!

Our purpose was to buy koi, hehe.

bought and we went to walk around.

We four bought the same earring, Lol.

We then went home after that.

Leena husband came my house cause she wanted to use comp awhile.

Watching show with mother while she uses my comp.

She went home around5plus 6.

So I went to bath etc.

Mother then went to grandma house while I stayed home do homework.

Done and continue play my iphone, Tiny Tower.

My brother asked me to play, kinda retarded game.

Played and suddenly wanted to post a song.

It's a nice song, it seems to speaks something, from me.

Oh well, I'll post the lyrics.

The song I think my music have.

It's called "Who says" by Selena Gomez.

And, I miss him, a lot. /: ..

Well, after my last post, everything seems so dark to me.

Thursday, I went down to find him.

And what I get was, he wanted to break.

I tried to get everything back, but he doesn't want it.

So I gave up.

I went home after that.

And I forgotten what I did.

Friday, stayed home the whole day, parents went malaysia.

So I borrowed my brother's laptop to watch show.

Whole day I'm watching show, how pathetic.

Until 12plus I think, brother came back home.

He went to play ps3, while I watched him play.

Around 5plus we ordered mac and we ate before going to bed.

We slept at 7, woke around 2plus 3plus.

He continue play his game, he then say he wants to sentosa.

So I went to bath, prepare everything and we went down to sentosa.

We from vivo, walk to universal studio outside, and walk to the beach.

It's my first time visiting universal studio, outside only.

But hey, it's awesome.

Went to the beach, we walked around.

Well, I just wanna go there and calm myself.

We then took the free tram back to station and walk back to vivo from there.

Reached and we went to eat.

Eat finish and we went to walk about in vivo and we took train home.

Home and continue watch my brother play ps3.

Awhile later he say he don't wanna play already, he say go watch show.

So we went into the room and he actually wanna watch one piece, but I don't like.

He lend me watch, while he play psp.

I rewatch Toy Story 2, kinda forgot the story.

Watch finish he say want order mac, again.

So he did.

Ordered, ate, rest awhile and we went to bed, at 3plus.

But I didn't sleep, I was watching Shinee hello baby.

Watch until 4plus going 5 I bth, I closed and I slept.

Slept till 1plus then wake up.

Awhile later brother came back.

I used his laptop to watch show, he then went to bath and play ps3, again.

I watched 'Mary to Max' is it?

I forgot the title, but I know it's Mary and Max.

Hmms, it's quite nice(?).

It's about these two person doesn't have any friends, etc.

Watch halfway I went to bath and prepare.

Awhile later, my brother bought his friend to my house.

It's a American, from USA I think.

I don't know why he came to Singapore, I only know he's gonna stay at my house, for a week.

He's quite big size, quite handsome also, but not my type.

I only want him .. /:

My brother that time sees his picture and say he look like osama! LOL.

But real life he doesn't look like.

My brother asked me to introduce myself.

His name is Daniel, I think, I didn't really remember, neither do I heard it clearly.

I continue watch my show.

Until 7, prepared to go out.

Brother going out too, he asked me where I going.

I said Bugis and he stared at me and said, "Are you serious? 0.0"

By then I know he's going Bugis too.

We went, he meet his friend, I meet mine.

Yea, I met Jerrold.

We went to walk about, then went to buy koi.

My purpose of going bugis is cause of koi of cause. :D

Bought and then went to take mrt home.

I almost cried out, but I held back.

Home, talk to brother awhile, watch him surf for ipad cover.

He say he wanna buy ipad, but I don't know if he's serious. o.o

I climb up my bed, awhile later my parents came back home from malaysia.

Mother bought my favourite snack, I love her many many! (L)

The next day school reopens.

I wanted to sleep early, but yesterday night, I couldn't hold any longer.

I look through the messages he used to send me.

My tears, just flows out, eventually.

It just keeps flow and flow and flows.

Hugging the eeyore he gave me, looking at the keychain he gave me, the message he sent me.

Memories just flashback.

Last time when my phone rings, mostly is from him.

But now, none will be his.

I just miss everything about him.

The way he calls me baby.

The way he hugs me.

The way he tickles me.

The way he pampers me.

The way he sleeps next to me.

The way he cooks for me, feed me.

The way he always call me at night.

The way he ask me to sleep, remember cover blanket.

The way he says baby, iloveyou.

While I'm writing all these, my tears are flowing, and memories are coming back ..

I 10plus cried till 12plus, and I decided to stop and sleep.

Next morning I woke up at 5plus.

All along, I kept a so called 'dairy' of both of us.

Today is his birthday.

I wrote things in, I've so much to write, but I'm running out of time.

So I prepared and went to school.

I asked his sister to help me pass to him.

But I doubt he'll even bother to touch nor look at it.

Today school was, normal.

First lesson bio, Alvin asked me, "Eh, you and Yulun stead ah?"

I said no.

He keep pester me, keep ask me have anot.

All the way, my answer was, no.

In the past, I'll proudly say yes, but now, everything changes.

When I told my darling about I cried yesterday night, I almost cry, but I held back.

I've to hold back everything.

I know, cry out it's better than keeping inside.

Keeping inside only makes you feel more uncomfortable, bad.

He wanted me to suffer, I'll just listen to him ..

When it's 12pm, my friend said, "This timing I'll be home sleeping."

When I heard that, I thought to myself, "This timing I'll be at his house, hugging him."

I saw him two times today, but I didn't look at him.

I didn't dared, I didn't want to, even though I wanted to see him ..

After school and I came back home, wash my bag.

I use too much bleach, now my bag is white and pink colour, uneven. Lol.

I then came to use my brother's laptop to watch show.

I've two things I wanna say that's why I came to post.

Firstly, he removed me from facebook.

I don't know why.

He ownself tell me, "Be friends", and he removed me.

Like seriously, what have I done to deserve all these craps.

Now I know, it wasn't totally my fault.

He's not reponsible for his words and actions, not me.

I did everything I can, but no one appreciates it.

I just received a text from Hilda.

She said that bastard don't want to take it and his mother ask me to take it back cause it's mine.

Seriously, what's inside wasn't my things, it was all your fcuking beloved son's!

What's the fcuking problem with all these people.

Whatever I do, everyone takes me as a devil.

No one cares how I feel, no one cares about me at all.

Yea, some will say, "I care."

What's the meaning of care? It isn't just by using mouth to say it.

Sorry I offended some of you.

Yea, I'm just a loser, a failure, a bitch.

When I needed him the most, he left me.

I know, I couldn't make him stay, but it wasn't my choice isn't it!?

Whatever I do, is wrong and wrong and wrong and wrong and wrong, all the way!!

Don't you people know how it feels like being me?

Everyone thinks I'm cheerful, because I will joke with them.

But no one could ever sees through me, see through that I am actually not feeling any good inside ..

This anger in me is making me damn hurt seriously ..

I couldn't turn to anyone ..

No one being there for me ..

Everything just feel sucks to the max.

No one, no one would ever want to feel how I am feeling right now.

I feel like exploding! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRG!

Why, why must they all treat me this way ..

I'm going insane, soon ..............

"Never let 16th's fade away .."

In the end, he still lets it ...

I miss you ..

Last saturday morning woke up, prepare and went to work.

Time pass so slow, especially without boyf.

There's not much people too, so had been kinda slack from 3plus to 5 and off work.

Went home, buy dinner for brother and myself.

Whole day never eat, gastric pain. ._.

Ate already, brother siao, order one set of mac.

We shared it, while we were studying.

Around 7plus(?), boyf came back from malaysia.

Happy~

Like I said, I'll sort things out with him, I did, everything seems fine.

And he very last minute.

He said he wanted his anniversary present, like tomorrow, which is sunday.

So when he went to sleep, I was awake the whole night, preparing.

After that I went to sleep awhile, 2hours(?).

Woke up, continue do do do.

Heng can finish in time.

So I went to bath, prepare and went out with parents.

As usual, went to eat.

Ate already, went to take mrt down to find boyf.

Met, and went up his house.

His parents at home, feel so awkward and extra. x.x

Put the box at boyf's room, and letter I hide somewhere. :3

He always anyhow talk, make me so worried and scared until I cried. Tsk.

At his house till 10 and his father drove me home.

Thanks ^^.

Home bath and I forgot what I did.

Monday early morning woke up, bath and prepare and went to boyf's house, again.

He asked me to do so. ):

Reached, stayed at living room watch tv, he's sleeping, his sister playing computer.

Until 11plus he woke up and came out and he scolded me.

He say I reach never call him. Sad.

Don't wish to disturb his beauty sleep mah~

He went to bath, I use computer awhile.

He then on a show, we watched it together.

Aiya, the middle part I don't wanna say, makes me cry. ):

In the end we okay already, they going eat sushi, with their parents.

I don't want to go, everytime go is his parents pay pay pay, I feel guilty. x.x

both boyf and Yufei also say cannot, so I went.

I very full already boyf still ask me eat, until I wanna vomit.

After that went back his house awhile.

Until 9.30 wanted to go home, cause it's super late already.

I step out to living room, I want to say bye uncle, and he said.
"Wait awhile, I watch finish this show I drive you home."

I said dont want, later very ma-fan.

He said, "No no no, bu hui, deng yi xia hor."

So I went back boyf's room sit and wait lor.

Awhile later he went down.

I wait for boyf, he went to bath.

before I go I thank auntie and said bye to her.

So his father drove me home, again.

Home, went to bath and okay, I forgot what I did again.

Yesterday morning woke up, use computer awhile.

Then went to prepare.

Waited for darling to prepare too.

blahblahblah, done and we met at macpherson mrt.

We went to amk to eat sushi~ :D

Had a talk with her.

We ate 19 plates only leh, both of us add together 19 plate only.

I see other people, walan, plates like mountain, a lot sial.

I tell darling they purposely 2-3 days never eat then jitao come here eat is it.

Darling say ride horse have 1 week. LOL.

After ate finish we went to get KOI.

Go so far never buy KOI is siao one okay.

So I bought for me and my brother.

After we bought it, we went to amk hub walk walk awhile.

Went to buy some things.

And we took mrt back home.

Quarrel with boyf, almost broke off.

I cried and cried the whole night, I didn't manage to sleep, even when I tried to.

Reflected, thinking the whole night too.

I know I brought all these to myself.

All blames should be on me, because I'm in the most wrong and fault.

When yesterday he told me, "My friend said he rather me be friends with you than be together with you."

This sentence gave me a big impression.

This sentence had stuck in my mind the whole night.

Just by thinking of that, it really scares the hell out of me.

I'm not match with other girls, I understand.

but what I can match with them is, my heart and love for you.

It'll never be less than them, not a single bit.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

I'm sorry I don't know how to handle it well.

I'm sorry to show you a wrong way of doing things.

but I can tell you that, my love for you is true, I swear.

I'll never cheat on you, your love, your money.

If I wanted to, I'll be doing it 2 months ago, there's no need to wait till now.

I already need you, your love like no tomorrow ...

When problems come, all words in the past doesn't count, that's human nature.

but I'm gonna do it in a different way.

boyf, remember last saturday, you called me, and you asked me.

"No matter what happen, can you promise me that you'll never let me go?"

And of cause, I said.

"No matter how much hurt, how much I suffer, how miserable, how bad it is, I'll never let you go, I promise you."

Remember that?

Yea, I'm gonna keep that promise, I'll NEVER let you go.

I can understand how he is feeling right now, even though he said I don't.

That anger, that tiredness, that sadness, I understand it all.

Yea, I'm being selfish, being greedy.

but there's no wrong of afraid of losing you, no wrong that I needed all your love isn't it?

Or is it a crime?

Yea, I agree I see things the wrong way.

Push me, make me to see the correct way would you?

I need you by my side, I need your love.

I'm sorry, everyone deserves a second chance isn't it?

Please forgive me, forgive for what I've done wrong.

I just wish you will come back ...

back like how we used to ...

There's a lot I wanted to say, yet I don't know how to express ...

I'm sorry boyf ....

I'mma back to post again.

Wednesday stayed at boyf's house until 8plus and went home.

Yesterday morning he went to malaysia with his family.

Well, to be frank, I feel uneasy, without him around.

Morning woke up, went to pay my phone bill.

And I just receive one more today, and the bill was like 400plus. -.-

My working money is all gonna spend on my phone bill.

back to story, after paying, went to ntuc to buy mushroom soup and golden mushroom.

Just suddenly feel like drinking it.

Home and went to watch show awhile, and went to sleep.

Until 4plus wake up continue watch show until 5 went to bath.

Awhile later brother came back home and he asked me to study with him.

Since I've nothing to do, so I did.

but half of it was he forced me to. Lol.

So we studied, awhile focused, awhile laugh like hell.

Until 10 we pack up and went to our room.

I came to use computer awhile and off to bed.

I couldn't sleep, think cause I slept in the afternoon.

So I rewatch shinee hello baby! :D

Haha, they never fail to make me smile and laugh. (:

Watch until 12plus, decided to sleep.

So I turn here and there, listen to song, and tried to sleep.

The whole day I was missing him, the feeling that I don't know how to express.

Kinda like, lost of something, didn't do something, sad, angry, all mixed together.

It just feel sucks, that's all I know.

Today morning brother suddenly climb up my bed and he asked me whether I got go out anot.

I shake my head, I was still half asleep.

He then asked me to accompany him go see doctor.

And he decided to stay home study the whole day.

So we went to see doctor.

See finish and we went to eat mac.

And I saw Jerry&Desmond and their friends.

Ate finish and we went to ntuc again to buy mushroom soup and golden mushroom.

Home and I went to sleep.

I tried to, but I don't manage to do so.

So I woke up, watch my brother play PS3, went to cook mushroom soup for him, and myself.

Until 4plus he again, forced me to study with him.

So I did.

Until 5plus, he said he lie down awhile, call him in 5mins.

So I continue to write my notes, and 10mins later I woke him.

He went back to sleep.

Until 6 I went to wake him again.

He then asked me what I wanted to eat.

I said mac cause I wanted the cup.

He said he don't want, in the end he called pizza.

Wednesday at boyf's house, they just called pizza and today my brother ordered.

We ate, and watched 'Priest'.

After watching, back to study.

Again, laugh like hell, then focused again.

Now he's memorizing things, so I came to post awhile.

Well, I feel so sucks right now.

A feeling of sadness, angriness.

I just feel like he's lying to me all along.

I think I should have a talk to him when he's back, tomorrow. /:

And tomorrow I still have work, my god.

Alrights, that's all for today.

Loves.

Finally I can post.

I thought I couldn't anymore and got so fed up.

But thanks to Yufei, she told me can just skip the identify thingy.

I know I'm dumb. (:

Alrights, what happen those days kinda forgot already.

I'm currently at my precious sotong boyf's house.

Using his computer to post awhile, while he sits next to me and lighting candles(?). Lol.

Hmms, something bad happen.

Well, maybe I should say a lot of bad things happen.

Especially problem with boyf. /:

I feel so sucks seriously.

I got this feeling in me, that I couldn't get rid of it ever since I'm with him.

I don't know why.

Man, I just feel like banging into the wall.

Okay, shall not say upset things, for now.

I'm currently working at Downtown, Just Acia.

For this holiday only I think, after that I'm not sure.

Afraid of my N level, I don't think I can pass though. /:

Got one time boyf and all his family came down to find me. LOL.

I'm totally shock, my hands keep shiver.

But, thanks for his surprise too, that brights up my day.

Yesterday was kinda happy day for me.

Cause I got to spend almost whole day with my dearest boyf. :D

We were watching Final Destination, blahblahblah.

His mother treated me eat dinner, which is that sotong ask me to go eat with them de. Tsk.

After that went back his house and brought his dogs down.

They are cute. ^^

Awhile later went back his house play audi with Yufei.

It's been so long ever since I got to play audi.

My laptop cannot play already, sad but can keep me away from online games. ^^

Boyf's father then send me home, which is also his idea. ._.

Home and bath and sleep.

Morning wake, bath everything and came down to his house.

Tomorrow is our anniversary, and he going Malaysia with his family.

Sad die. ):

Cause I'm gonna so miss him.

Okay, my ears is gonna burst soon, he is blasting his music. ._.

I think I will just post until here.

Will post again, :D .

Loves.