Hi earthlings.
Shall continue to post.
Sunday morning woke up, use com, watch tv awhile and went to prepare.
Took bus to mrt and went to posb to help mother transfer money.
back to mrt and head down to outram and took bus to great world city.
As usual, went there to eat, with parents.
After that we went to bugis, as I wanted to buy pens.
Went to anbc shop, and saw Hilda & Audrey. o.o
Super coincidence!
Hilda asked me out, asked mother and off we went.
Parents went home.
Went to bugis street to find Hilda's another nuer.
Her nuer and her nuer's cousin went to watch movie.
While me, Hilda, and Audrey went to dhoby.
They went to play pump.
Looks interesting but, boyf don't like I play, so .. yea.
After they play we went to eat.
Which Hilda complain to my mother and Hilda forced me to eat, again.
She went to help me buy, really like my mother sial. LOL.
Ate finish and Hilda wanted to catch the "hamster" again.
She keep change money and catch, but couldn't.
And, please keep it as a secret, cause her boyf don't know and if he knows, he'll be angry.
Awhile later Hilda went to buy liang cha and take mrt as they need go pasir ris to don't know meet Luke(?).
Or Kenneth(?), I'm not sure.
Please keep it as a secret too tyvm.
Accompany them to paya lebar as it's early and took back the train to Esplanade.
Why? To find my dear boyf.
In train, was thinking about a lot of things.
And guess what? I sat to bras basah instead of Esplanade. ._.
Took back one stop and went to find boyf.
Waited him off work outside the shop.
Looking at couples, so sweet, so envy them.
And, feel happy for them.
He off work and we went to take mrt back.
I alighted at macpherson and he went home.
Although it's just awhile of meeting him, I'm more than glad I got to see him.
Home and brother showed me some random stupid video.
Semo 有飞机. Laughdieme.
Watch finish and went to bed.
I couldn't sleep last night.
I keep turn here and there, my mind went wild and wild.
Awhile later I manage to sleep while my mind still wild-ing.
Until middle of the night, I jumped up and realize something.
Which makes my mind went extremely wild, same goes my heart.
Trying to sleep, trying to stop thinking, but I couldn't.
I kept flip here and there, turn here and there, open and close eyes.
Until 4plus 5 when I manage to get into sleep, 6plus have to wake up.
I was super tired.
Went to prepare and went to school.
Was totally moodless whole day, didn't spoke more than 20 words.
Sorry Liru, make you kinda bored today.
Was lying on table during the whole recess.
POA lesson, rush to draw the design for class tee.
Well, it's not nice actually.
Chemistry had practical, after that SEL.
Decided on class tee colour and the numbers.
For me, I put 'S' instead of numbers.
Why? Cause 'S' stands for SHINee & Sean (my boyf). ^^
After SEL went hall to have a briefing for cross country coming this friday.
It's cross country, it's our 2months.
but sad to say, boyf have work on that day.
So most likely, not celebrating bah.
After school went back home.
Was resting on bed whole afternoon.
Why again? Cause having gastric, plus I didn't slept much.
Dozed off and woke up by my father's call.
Same as usual, he scolded me.
He say I always never answer his phone.
哇操, at least I manage to call back isn't it.
brother came back from genting and he went to his korea class.
While me? Stay home and watch "Guo ji jiao yu suo".
Hmms, this week de not so funny.
After watching, I came to post.
Yea, you must be thinking, "Why saturday post liao now still post? I thought almost a week like that then will post?"
I know, but, I'm just so sad that I don't know who to turn to seriously.
I can't probably turn to my boyf now.
Although I know boyf is someone whom you can and should share your burdens and happiness with.
but situations now, I don't want add more problems to him.
I've so much so much so much to say in my heart.
Saying how much I need him.
How much I love him.
How much I miss him.

How much I care.
How sorry I am.
How thankful I am.
How sad I am.
but I just don't know what's the right way to express it out in words or actions.
Whatever I do, it just seems to be wrong.
I keep mess things up, making it more worse and worse.
I seriously hate myself.
There's so much to tell, but yet, so little and not the right time.
A girlf like me is such a failure.

And I know he already don't love me.

He would always say "iloveyou" & "imissyou" randomly and always so sweet to me.

For now? Probably not ..

What can I do now.

Lie to myself, "hey, he still love me." "Everything is fine."

Fake a smile, trying to look happy when I'm not.

Try to sound happy, try not to make him angry or sad.

Cry without anyone knowing.

Endure all pains.

All I can do now is all this to make him and myself happier(?) ..

There's nothing else I can do, only locking myself at home.
Shall continue tomorrow or so ..
Nights ..