Hi people.

I know it's boring but, yea, I'm sad once again.

I know I'm a emo freak lah okay, but you think I want that?

I also want to be happy like last time right.

I also can't change, I also can't do anything, what you expect.

No offence anyways.

Friday morning went over to darling's house.

And we went to have breakfast together.
back to her house to take my vitagen, then she accompany me home.

She came up my house awhile.

Was like dozing off soon, but forced myself to stay awake.

And we were laughing at a app, 我是大肥猫. Hahas.

And we were actually writing at each others facebook wall when we were just beside each other.

Yea, we are lame I know.

She kept laughing at my kindergarden photo!

I still remember when she first saw the photo, I from other room also can hear her laughter!

Wth sial, hahas.

After that she went home cause her mother ask her pei her to don't know where.

So I slept, as I'm really really really damn tired.

but I couldn't sleep in peace, I keep wake up in about an hour plus.

Until 3 plus I bth I wake up.

brother came home at around 6plus.

We were watching supernatual, until 11plus and I sleep.

Today afternoon woke up at 12 plus as my father called.
He asked me to bring clothes to grandma house, so I did.

brought over and came back home.

Was home whole day with my brother.

He asked me if I wanted to learn korean.

but in the end I didn't.

Didn't on com until just now, came to post and off-ing it after that.

Who understands how I truely felt now?

Darling? Maybe she does.

Well, even myself don't know either.

Just went looking through the message he sent me in facebook on the 16Nov, 7.22pm.

I wanted to say all that to him too, wanted everything back normally.

I guess he won't listen, he will not change his mind easily.

Yes I know, I know all that.

but people, could you even feel a little of how I hurt I am while reading my post these days?

I know a number of you will make negative remarks.

Well, I also can't do anything.

been listening to this song lately, SM ballad - Another day.

It's a korea song, you can go youtube and search for english sub.

Somehow somewhat, some of the lyrics express out part of my heart.

Actually I liked the melody, it's damn sad.

I want to cry all my freaking sadness out, but my brother is at home.

Sigh..

We didn't even sms, or should I say talk today.

If it's last time, I won't be here at home, I'll be out there with my boyf.

He said "is never gonna be the same again." , so I'll just have to accept the fact that it's different now isn't it?

but who in the world out there would want your boyf to treat you like this, right?

but I told him, as long as he don't leave me, no matter how he treat me it's fine.

Yea fine, "FINE", it's my own decision anyways, I can't blame anyone.

When i was out with darling those two days, looking at couples.

I'm so envy of them, able to hug, able to laugh, able to do everything normally with their own boyf/girlf.

I used to be one of them. Hahas...

Oh manzxc, I miss him.. I miss my boyf...

Wishing so much to see him now, right now..

Suntec, marina, has the most memories of us.

I still remember the first movie, when I first lie on his shoulder, first time to hold his hand, forst time wearing his jacket was at suntec, watching Toy Story 3.

He was damn shy, damn cute.

And that was when we started to be together.

Yea, 0307'10, 11.44pm.

And then we went out alone, watching Karate Kid.

That was when we first kissed.

Like hey, isn't that sweet?

Who don't want to stay that sweet right!?

Remembering when it's our second month, he gave me a couple necklance.

I always was wearing it.

He used to too, but two days ago I saw it's gone.

Remembering our 5th month, before I going oversea, at Esplanade, he gave me a couple ring.

He took off also.

Three days ago when I was on the way home with darling, I heard Esplanade, and I just broke out in tears inside the train.

I was lying on darling's shoulder crying, everyone was looking and thought we were lesbians?

Well, it's normal.

but what's wrong with crying?

I'm freaking sad and I couldn't hold anymore of cause I cry isn't it!?

Reaching home soon and I can't cry anymore.

Wanted to go ecp cry yet it keep rains!

I'm going insane soon!

Didn't manage eat today.

Damn, who will remember and have the freaking mood to eat at this situation.

Sometimes I'm thinking, what would happen if I was lying at hospital?

I know I'm stupid, but what if it really happens?...

All I think about for the whole day was him him him him him him him him!

but I should be happy that he actually still love me and we are still together isn't it.

Yea, indeed I should.

He wanted to be alone, I shouldn't interrupt him.....

Really, seriously, I'm terrified that I may lost my mind one day................................................

It's really killing me.............................

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nights guys........