Hi. :D

I suddenly feel like posting so I came.

As I feeling really shag &down now, it's my only best friend that will listen to me.

Thursday I forgotten what happen.

Stay up till 5plus.a.m. then I sleep, pro hor.

Woke up 11plus in the morning. Tired. ._.

Friday, it's a public holiday.

Happy belated Deevapali ( Sorry I forgot how to spell ). ^^
Morning woke up prepare.

Wait for Hsienyung kor go prepare, parents went off first.

We went to have lunch as usual during Sundays.

This time is we whole family, 5members go eat together.

After eating Hsienyung kor went off first.

The rest of us went to take cab down to Marine Parade.

We went to my mother's side de grandpa house as it's his birthday.

Happy belated birthday grandpa. ^^

A lot people were there.

Sit around awhile &we went off.

Head down to parkway to go walk walk.

Took bus back, parents &brother went home, met Terence at paya lebar mrt.

We don't know where to go so we went to Marina barrage. ( Sorry darling if you see this. )

Took mrt down to Marina bay, &we took the bus go.

Reach there, it was raining, but not so heavy, just a slight rain.

Went to walk around.

&we went up to sit.

See people flying kites, it's beautiful when you look up into the sky &see those kites, especially during night time.

It's so nice, as if there's a lot of "stars" up there.

The Singapore Flyer, the lights everything, it's so nice to look at.

I wish to go there again, during night time, with not so much people, &enjoy the peace.

Thanks Terence for accompanying me, comforting me.

Hope he's alright too. (:

Took bus back to mrt, &met boyf at Macpherson mrt.

We sat around awhile &we went home.

When I reached home, something serious happen.

I don't wish to post it up here, if you want to know, ask me.

I'll see if I'm okay to tell you, if can't I'm sorry.

It really scare the hell out of me, I just broke into tears.

but everything's fine now.

After that incident, went to on com.

Talking to boyf on msn, &I told him that I can feel he don't love me anymore.

So yea, he said everything out.

I cannot take it, I just went to my mother's room &cried.

Awhile later boyf called me, so I answered.

I was like talking &crying.

Sort out some things &we were okay.

It was already 4am, he's tired, so he went to sleep.

Yet me? Stay up whole night.

Morning brother father go work, elder brother go out, mother go out, left me home.

boyf say he wanted to meet, so I anything.

Met him &we went to darling's house to pass her money.

Done &we sat at the staircase to think where to go.

In the end we walk to paya lebar mrt &took mrt down to Marina bay.

Guess you know where we were going, yes, Marina barrage.

We took bus down, &we walk up &sat a somewhere where there is not much people.

Faking up a smile all day long.

Until I couldn't take it anymore, I cried.

&we sort out things again.

We then from there walk back to Marina bay mrt.

&we took mrt down to city hall &go Suntec to have pepper lunch.

Saw darling &minming there, so coincidence.

The world is so small.

Saw two little cute xmm, got one look like Mosa, another look like Donald Duck. Lol.

Eat finish &we went to take bus to paya lebar mrt.

Accompany boyf to top up his ezlink &we went to take bus back to my house nearby hawker centre.

He say he is still hungry, he's a big eater anyway, so I accompany him go eat.

In the end he ate dessert.

Done &he send me home.

Wanted to lend him an umbrella but the umbrella don't know fly where.

He say give him newspaper can already, so I did.

He went home, I went to bath.

Well, I just want to type out how I actually is feeling &thinking.

From yesterday night, after my boyf told me all that stuffs, I've been thinking about it.

Even now, I'm still thinking.

It actually hurts, really, it hurts.

It's been so long ever since I felt so hurt.

If you're in my facebook, you probably will see what I've post.

"Why, why must you do this to me when I'm actually so in love with you, when I need you so much, yet you let me fight all alone. What I've done wrong. Always thought you are so different from the people I knew, but it turns up wrong. It's so hurting, really hurting, never felt so hurt before. Thanks to you, I am now..... Promise, love, what's that? It's just empty."

Yes, that's what I've posted.

I don't know why, I'm so in love with him now.

I used to get that kind of love from him, but not now anymore.

He don't love me that much like how he used to be right after an incident.

Just because of him, he lost everything in me.

Feelso regret, so guilty, so sad, so hurt.

I couldn't feel that I'm being loved anymore.

He said he lost faith, lost that kind of love in me.

He said he thought of breaking with me yet he doesn't know how to tell me.

That time, I really needed him by my side, couraging me, accompany me.

Yet he told me all those, he just left me there, facing the problem myself which I couldn't.

I thought, all along I thought, he was so different, really different from all the bastards I've known, but looks like my prediction is wrong, totally wrong.

He promised he won't leave me.

He promised he will always love me forever.

He promised he'll treat me good &care for me, only me.

He promised he won't ignore me.

He promised he'll always be by my side.

He promised he won't anyhow shout/scold me.

He promised me a lot of things, promise promise promised.

Yet he broke, broke, broke, &broke.

Just like what my darling used to say.

"Promise are meant to be broken, forever don't exist."

Is it true? Can we ever change it?

I thought he could, he's able, he will prove me that it's wrong.

but it seems like I'm the one who is wrong.

What I wanted wasn't anything from the world, but the strong, extremely strong love he used to have for me.

I can don't want anything, I just want that, only that.

He used to listen to me.

He used to tell me eveything without hiding anything from me.

He used to not shout at me loudly.

He used to not get so angry easily.

He used to be so gentle to me.

He used to care for me as if I'm seriously injured when I just have a small little cut or cough.

He used to hug me so tight that he don't wanna let go.

He used to not avoid my kiss.

He used to really stick to me like a super glue.

He used to love to talk to me.

He used to be worry &anxious &wondering why I didn't reply him.

He used to text me whenever right after he send me home.

He used to talk to me a lot, like non-stop.

He used to be so sweet to me.

He used to be happy when he sees me.

He used to smile just looking at my text, even by thinking of me.

He used to miss me so.

He used to laugh with me even if it's the lame-est thing.

He used to always play with me.

He used to hold my hand so tight.

He used to always pinch my face &say I'm chubby &cute.

He used to hug me in his arms, &whisper softly into my ear, "iloveyou".

He used to take me as his everything.

He used to take me as a super duper important person.

He used to be so naggy.

He used to be so stubborn.

He used to scold me yet not really scold when I did something naughty.

He used to plan things &see if I want or don't want, okay or not okay.

He used to kiss me, tendered, that I could feel the strong love inside him.

He used to always sayang me face &head.

He used to be there, telling me not to be scare whenever I'm frighten.

He used to be so good.

He used to help me carry anything whenever we go out.

He used to always wait for me to sleep first before he could sleep no matter how tired he is.

He used to be so random.

He used to be understandable.

He used to treat me like a princess, like I'm his one &only.

That's a lot he used to.

but what I've mention up there, it's gone.

He is not the "he used to" anymore.

Change, everything changes.

It's been 4months with him, I don't want &I'm afraid of losing him.

He said he still love me but not that strong anymore.

but I'm afraid, seriously afraid he's love will slowly goes off, bit by bit.

&that time, I really have the face &fight all alone, I don't want to seriously.

I want to last long with him.

He used to not be the one I've loved a lot, but he is, he's the guy I've love seriously a lot in my whole life now.

I used to be that to him too, but too bad I'm not now.

He promised he will change, he'll change back to his old self.

but will he? Can he? I trusted him, but I don't want any false hope.

I love him, really.

Who knows how I feel now, only I know the best.

but I really need him, I need him, I need him to love me, like he used to be.

boyf, I know you will isn't it?..

Please, I beg you, I really want your extremely strong love back.

I really want all the "you used to" to come back too.

I know it's a matter of time.

I can't wait, I can't really wait, but I'll try my best to.

Never felt so hurt, so hard to breathe..

So much to say, yet I don't know how to express everything out.

Sigh.

Shall stop here, if not I'll die of crying. Nights..